Anyone could be your future wife. It’s your choice. But everyone isn’t suited to walk the path life will take you through. Unless you’ve seen that suitable one before, you may not recognise her since it takes seeing something once or more to recognise it later.
The first time you’ll see her, will be after you’ve had a clear picture of the life you’re after.
And the first time you see that picture, will be after you’ve become familiar with God’s voice.
Am I discounting your ability to see a good life for yourself without any external voice? Of course not. I’m just saying that the best version of that life, not just the good one, is a secret God is not eager to keep from you.
Call to me and I will answer you, and tell you great and unsearchable thins you do not know. ~Jeremiah 3:33
The result? A treasure map. It’s on that map that you’ll see her the first time.
What Are You Looking For?
Rarely do maps give you a 100% accurate location or impression of what you’re looking for. That extra step left, or the extra dusting usually imposes itself on the field. As you develop a list of attributes you’re looking for in a wife, remember that it won’t give you a 100% accurate picture of her, but will get you very close.
So.
- How do you wish to be remembered after you’re gone? As a man that followed, did, was, built or helped with what exactly?
What kind of wife do you think someone like that would have had by his side?
- What are your top 3 priorities in life? Would it matter if your wife cared for none of them? Would you want them to matter to her too?
What priorities would a woman that respects yours have in her own life?
- Would you care if your woman had or didn’t have a specific stance on raising a family? On Health? On Finances? If yes, which stance?
A friend of mine recently admitted that the reason he had to leave his wife was because they had very different views on work and dreaming big. He said that although she was a good woman, she was also a hindrance to the journey he was on. 3 kids later, he left.
Identify the do-or-die characteristics of the woman you want and ask God to put you both on the same path. When you see her, you’ll know.
When my wife and I met, we had the strong impression of having met before. Her heart had had a clear picture of who I was, as mine did for her. I knew her priorities, her relationship with her parents and even her attitude towards peer pressure. The only thing I didn’t know was when & how she’d come, and her face.
Are You Willing To Wait?
Every treasure chase requires patience. Lest you have it you’ll stop digging before time, start digging in the wrong places or worse, take home the wrong treasures.
I’ve mistaken my treasure for another’s a few times. I’ve tried to mould a few girls to the image I had of my future wife, only to realise that copper doesn’t turn to gold. The last time I did, I was left crying over a very painful breakup.
So I decided to give my next search time. Whoever first said time is another name for God deserves a medal.
While God helped me become a better version of myself, unbeknown to me, he worked on my wife as well. He let her go through the experiences that would mould her into the woman I had prayed for; She shed a few beliefs, wore some new ones, made peace with a few people and waved some goodbye. On my end, I slowly became the type of man who’d provide the leadership she had prayed for.
When the time was right, it took me 5 minutes from never knowing my wife to identifying her, and few hours for her to identify me. But to get there, it took me 2 years.
If you really want her, you will wait till you see her. Anything worth having takes time to manifest.
Parting Words
You’ll become the average of the 5 people you spend most of your time with. Of those 5, none will spend more time with you than your wife. The direction in which she will steer your life depends on you being clear today about the life you want and the non-negotiables in the partner you want for that life.
As it all becomes clearer with time, you’ll eventually recognise your future wife when you see her.
