So follow this story closely.

I used to waste a lot of money when I felt sad. It didn’t matter if it was my last dime or my first… If I felt sad, I spent. Simple man. And it had nothing to do with seeking pleasure.

I spent because it hurt. And I’ll tell you why I wanted that later. I often promised myself that I wouldn’t do it again, but you know how those promises go.

If you’re a regular human, then you too might have a zillion such empty promises in your life or relationship; A million “ok, this is the last time” and a hundred “baby I’ll do better next time”.

The thing is, unless you ask the right questions – 5 questions to be precise – then you might suffer the pain of starting again far more than you should.

I don’t spend recklessly anymore, and it was because I tried this overly simple method.

The 5 Why’s: How To Get To The Bottom Of Your Couple’s Issues

Sakichi Toyoda who yes, is the founder of Toyota, discovered that by asking 5 consecutive Why’s, it is possible to identify the real cause of any issue and solve it effectively.

A little bit like NOT putting your entire computer on mute because one of your browser tabs is playing loud music, but rather going tab after tab to identify the culprit.

I previously told you I used to spend right? Look at this:

• Why #1: Why did I spend?

  To forget that I was sad.

• Why #2: Why did it have to take spending to make me forget that I was sad?

  Because losing a lot of money hurts. And I needed to replace one hurt by a louder one.

• Why #3: Why did I need to replace my pain with another, rather than focus on it? 

  Because I didn’t know how to solve the problem that originally caused it.

• Why #4: Why didn’t I know how to solve it?

  Because I had never done it successfully before. I had no blueprint of success in that domain and I had never asked for help.

• Why #5: Why hadn’t I asked for help?

  Because I was ashamed to be thought of as ignorant; I was too proud to risk that.

There. By the 5th question, I had reached the real root of my issue and the path from there to healing was obvious. My problem wasn’t being sad; it was pride. So I had to work on becoming more humble.

This simple, unsuspecting technique is used by companies, small groups and people of various creeds because it works.

It will only cost you and your partner a minute. Look at those issue that keep having the best of you and paint them with 5 Why’s.

Just like that, your relationship and yourself will be a step closer to that best self you and I know they were meant to be.

Rowing your gondola,

-Pat.